Chasing the Shadow

I have this question keep playing on my mind. Why is it so hard for me to open up for a new relationship or at least a guy that really likes me, instead of chasing someone who don't feel the same the way i feel.

This new guy i must say, he is 80% purrfect. He has awesome car (My Dream Car, actually), stable job, ready to settle down in any time and willing to do everything, anything just for me. He's coming to KL with his family next February. Their main purpose is to have a good shopping time etc as usual and he'd like to take this opportunity to introduce me to his family.

And i actually don't know how to react. Should i be happy? Should i feel excited about it? I don't know .. Maybe i'm afraid to do so..Or maybe i'm just not ready for it...

Anyway, i leave it to Him. I only can never stop asking for the best ,for me. Hopefully one day, he will listen and grant my Doa... Amin & InsyaAllah 

And yet it is not easy....

Moving on is easy but what you left behind makes it difficult. Seriously saya setuju, saya claimed diri saya sudah move on. Tapi bila pergi dekat tempat2 makan, shopping , jalan2, tgk movie yang dulunya saya lakukan bersama2 dia membuatkan hati saya tersentuh dan memang mudah untuk menangis on the spot. Kenapa rasa hati ini masih kuat terhadap dia?

Bukankah dia tiada perasaan terhadap saya? Bukankah saya berpegang kepada prinsip supaya menerima org yg sayangkan saya lebih daripada perasaan saya. Bukankah saya tahu itu lebih bahagia daripada mendambakan bulan dan bintang yang obviously astronaut sahaja yang dapat "memegang dan menyentuh". 

Mungkin betul, ikut rasa binasa..ikut hati mati... So, saya pujuk hati saya untuk tidak selalu bersedih dan mengalah. Mujur ada keluarga dan kawan "sesusah dan sesenang".. Alhamdulillah. Bukan mudah tapi tidak mustahil. Cuma perlu berdiri di paksi yang betul bahawa its a man nature to like something beautiful. No more denial. And i'm just not his type, be real Amalina!

Some would rather choose the cake instead 

Please hug my heart, Ya Allah

Tahun ni , raya sangat lah tak best. Dah la berhabis ratusan ringgit akhirnya saya tak enjoy raya tahun ni. Bayangkanlah, kalau dah ditanya soalan bertubi2 macam orang bersalah, tapi orang yg kita bergantung padanya pun tak nak tolong..Sapa yang tak sakit hati? Sapa yang tak rasa down giler? Kita raya nak bergumbira, tapi bila orang dah buat macam tu, apa makna nya Raya?

Entahlaaaa... Saya rasa macam tak mahu balik kampung untuk raya... saya nak merajuk lah.. T__T Kalau orang tak reti nak hargai apa yang kita korbankan selama ni, saya rasa macam dah tak diperlukan lagi.

Xpela, ini mungkin Ujian dari Allah swt... Ya Allah, tolong jagakan hatiku supaya tidak sakit, tidak lemah, tidak sedih dan tidak merajuk dari sesiapa pun...  Hug my heart pls, Ya Allah ;)

If i were to look back

If i were to look back, a year ago, on the same date.. I have posted that i went to KLIA on this date to send him off.  So today, when i think back.. I feel like an idiot . Heheehehe well i should not go on that day and i just should sleep like a baby.

I posted this kind of post because he dont seems like care about my Birthday.

If last year, he sang a song to me but this year, not even a simple wish from him.

If last year, i posted a birthday card to Australia on his birthday... But on my birthday this year, there is nothing for me from him.

It hurts so much. It hurts deeply.

I dont want to take it positively, I dont want to be matured this time.

I wanna think it my way.

How could he.......

Need A Break

I feel like almost giving up.. Im tired and i need a break. I need a break from all the responsibles i had now. I just wanna be normal. Isn't it enough im suffering in every inches of my life. Can't i be happy like others? Can't i enjoy my young life now like my other friends? Without have to worry about everything :'( To be frank, I always, always envy of them. They have a happy life, easy way of living, simple yet just nice.

I've been complaining about my life lately. It seems like i never appreciate what i have gone through all this while. I don't mean to but somehow i want to let it out. I don't want to keep it to myself anymore. Im only  human, i can't bear all the pain alone. I know, HE is with me all the time. But it too crucial for me, a young girl (not yet a woman).. Who fight so hard to live ...

Sobs sobs.. How i wish someone could understand how i feel.

Again, the same feeling

Kerna cintaku tiada akhirnya, walaupun engkau telah menghancurkan..

How did you guys feel about the above bait? I accidentally stalked my-ex's fb... It makes my heart torn into pieces. And again, tears dropped.

 I thought im already healed.

 I thought i already gained back the strength..

And i thought im back to normal.

But..

I was wrong...  >.<

How Happy Would I Be?

I once posted about my x looked alike. . Today, we had our breakfast together with the other colleagues as well. All of us sounded so excited . Everyone is telling stories and believe not, when i announced Mr A as my bf he nodded and try to sit closer to me.

How i wish i could express more bout my feeling at that time. Imagining that Mr S said yes to me. How happy would i be..Would it be as same as today? But i know, we are just teasing each other. It is so impossible to happen..He is way younger than me..about 3 ys younger?

I hate to cry when typing. It shows that anyhow, i still miss him. I hate it. hate it.


Love,
Lina

Broken Cactus

This morning while i'm getting ready for work, i was shocked because the cactus from my -ex which i put outside the window was nearly fall due to heavy rain last night. 

And i quickly grab the small vase but oooops! i just dropped the cactus! Oh No... I was so heartbroken to see the cactus fall .

So i rushed down to look for the Cactus. The Cactus was broken into pieces. Maybe it is the translation through picture how bad my heart was damaged. 

Hmmmm

Loads of Love,

Lina

Bukankah Aku?

The title reminds me of a song, composed & sang by no other than the talented Awi Rafael. Each and every word in the song reflects my feeling. Disappointment, despair and their synonyms. Aniway Enjoy the lyrics, get the feel and try to get rid the feeling out of you...

Thank you, thank you for the awesome lyrics.

Look Alike

It has been  few months i did not post anything in this blog. Im so sorry :( I was busy building up confidence in myself after the tragic incident. 

Anyway, referring to my "Post Title" .. I found his (my-ex) look alike in my own office. His name starts from A. So this A, look similar to my - ex who was and still in Australia. From his face until his action reminds me of my -ex , its just that he is way young from me. Not forgotten,  he was from Sabah too. Just imagine, he insist to company me outside while other friends went for Maghrib Prayer. Actually, that is not the first time he did that. At one time, he waited for me while i was crossing the road. God knows how long i waited for the traffic to be cleared but he stayed.

Im so happy to be A's friend but in deep, i cried. I can't deny that i really miss my-ex. And i know, it is such a waste to love someone that who won't love you back but i can't help it. Maybe i need more time or maybe i just need someone else as a replacement.

Hokkkkay, its so boring to talk and keep talking about my -ex. Lets talk about my career progress. I had tendered my resignation on 7th May 2012. My last day would probably be on 27th June 2012. I have to say, that i am very happy finally i got to move out from my current office. All the pressure, the stresses had waived from my head. Weahhoo way to go! Now, i don't really feel sad to leave (to leave the fabulous colleague and of course A) but i don't know about later.

My new job? Shhhh its still a secret. No one will know until i really really sit on the chair with my new desk. Hahahaha.. Until i see you guys again, do have faith in Life. Life would never be easy unless you keep the positive energy inside.

Loads of Love,

Lina

Never Ever

Meantime, i would never regret on those sweet things i have done for him. Its just that, i can't easily forget those. 

How could i ? 

You tell me how...

Never thought that I could hurt like this...    And i bet, you will never understand how does it feel like..  

I would need some time to heal. 

I would need some time to breathe without you.

I would need some time to believe that between both of us, are only history.

Because It is not easy ... 

P/S: Thanks for breaking my heart

Broken Heart

It has been a month since my heart was wrenched hardly. This time, it was doubled. I found out from a friend who can be trusted that My X-Prince Charming was actually single. He purposely declared the relationship so that I will stop hoping. When I heard that, this crystal heart of mine crashed again. How could he do this to me? I did ask him if I have a chance but he said he still not ready for commitment in the meantime. He said he want to finish his study before he settle down but see what he have done.

To me, he just should tell me the truth if I’m not his type. I hate being cheated and stabbed behind my back.  Well maybe I am too blinded by his sweet attitude & words..Maybe I am too excited when a Prince Charming treats me like a Princess so I forgot which one is which one.

Though my heart still bleeding, yet it is healing..The scars will remain. I should not trust him, I should just not trust anyone.. I just should listen to my Heart.. It is something to ponder, I guess. Whatever it is, please wish me to keep on going. I will need to take my own time to forget everything. Like said, Life has to move on. We live to fight. 

- Its Over -

Shocked? Surprised? Stunned? Feel those when you read the title?

By KunaFejm

So do i...

But it is true, it is the end of me and my prince charming. Officially he has declared he was in a relationship with a girl. How do i feel about that? I am so broken deep down inside until i feel like i don't wanna fall again. It is horrible. It is terrible. It is wayyyyy from what i am expecting.

Meantime, i try to get up slowly..Waking up from the nightmare. It is what it is.. No matter how much i pour the tears, he will never be mine if God is not willing for that.

Nevertheless, i stop hoping.. I stop wishing for moon and stars.. I am only the heartbroken T_T