Day- I don't know

I never thought that my heart will be shattered into pieces like now. The excruciating pain that no one can imagine. 

But I believe, I trust...

For what had happened, Allah is the best planner. Just right after the divorce, Government has announced MCO which you are not allow to leave home for 3 months. For the past 3 months, I have been staying with at a new place surrounded by my family. It is the indescribable feeling. I wanted to cry out loud, but I can't. I don't want them to see me as a weak person. I don't have tissue so I can't cry too. 

During the MCO too, I don't have to work. Coincidentally, I was on my sabbatical leave. I wish to finish up my PhD, but the divorce took place. How heartbroken I can be ya? 

Soon, I discovered "I'll never love again"....by Lady Gaga

I cried my heart out in shower. 

I don't want to give the better part of me to anybody else but you. 

Don't want to give my heart away to another stranger.

I won't let the sunlight in..

Genap 3 bulan..

Seperti yang dikatakan, genaplah 3 bulan bermaksud habis juga la tempoh eddah ku..

Juga bermaksud....I am officially a divorcee.

Heavy heart.. Apakah dugaan ini.

Thank you for everything......

That day

I still remember that day,

2nd March 2020 is the day I ended my 4 years marriage. Honestly, my heart shattered. You being you, blaming me for everything. I'm always your punching bag.
I can still remember the excruciating pain in my chest few days after the event. I woke up with a heavy head, dizzy eyes the next morning.

Days before that day, I can't eat. Everything I bite, it tastes bitter.

Few days after that day, I cried out loud while I went through my stuff and captured something yours. I don't know what went wrong but I anggap jodoh kita tak panjang.

The excruciating pain that never I have imagined in my life....

Cinta tak selalunya Indah

When you think that settling down will make you happy...Think again..

The very first day

Baru hari pertama balik kuantan, dah ada insiden yang membuatkan daku terasa hati. Ye lah, kadang2 memang xfaham... apabila time susah2, mesti cari kita.. bila time senang..bersukaria...mesti kita org pertama yang dilupakan..  tahu apa jadi arini? 

Bangun3 tidor, tgk semua dah xde.. tahu dieorg pergi mana? SHOPPING! Elok lah... beli bantal, cushion... tapi sikit pun xde ajak.. they showed their courtesy by whatsapping pics tanya mana cantik? What the hell?  Kalau xnak ajak, xpayah sibuk2 nk tanya which color suits our house? Bla bla bla... mentang2 blom gaji, mcm tu kita disisihkan... 

Sedih yg tak terkata... setiap kali raya, mesti ada citer sedih camgini.. sampai hati Ya Allah.. sungguh banyak kekecewaan yang kau hadiahkan...

Kalau.memang harus begini

Banyak yg saya ingin katakan..hati ini membuak2 untuk meluahkan rasa kecewa.. Ya Allah, berilah petunjuk.kepadaku..

Semakin hari semakin pudar rasa sayangku kepadanya.. mungkin dia juga begitu.. aku tidak lagi penting bagi dia.. iya lah, kalau diriku ini penting baginya..mesti dlm 24jam yang ada dalam sehari, pasti 5minit itu xperlu dia berkira untuk bertanyakan khabarku.. mungkin 5minit itu sangat berharga buatmu..sabarlah hati..

Sudahlah tidak menghubungi ku sekian lama..call pun xnak, video call pun xnak..siapa aku di hatimu yang sebenarnya?  Kadang2 bukan nak merajuk tapi hati ini tak tertahankan sakitnya.. mungkin kau perlukan yang lebih baik.. tak mengapa, aku pun tahu..

Dengan berkat bulan Ramadhan ini, biarlah ku undur diri.. Tidak mengapa, usah kau gusar.. pandailah aku menjaga diriku selepas ini kerana kau tak pernah pun peduli diriku sebelum ini. Kalau memang harus begini....

Well, Thanks a Lot!

Finally, i got the invitation to his wedding... Well thank you so much for the invitation....

Its the end of everything. Oh Allah, this is something i did not expect from you. Never i did. Give me strength, hug my heart and please, never let me cry again.