The very first day

Baru hari pertama balik kuantan, dah ada insiden yang membuatkan daku terasa hati. Ye lah, kadang2 memang xfaham... apabila time susah2, mesti cari kita.. bila time senang..bersukaria...mesti kita org pertama yang dilupakan..  tahu apa jadi arini? 

Bangun3 tidor, tgk semua dah xde.. tahu dieorg pergi mana? SHOPPING! Elok lah... beli bantal, cushion... tapi sikit pun xde ajak.. they showed their courtesy by whatsapping pics tanya mana cantik? What the hell?  Kalau xnak ajak, xpayah sibuk2 nk tanya which color suits our house? Bla bla bla... mentang2 blom gaji, mcm tu kita disisihkan... 

Sedih yg tak terkata... setiap kali raya, mesti ada citer sedih camgini.. sampai hati Ya Allah.. sungguh banyak kekecewaan yang kau hadiahkan...

Kalau.memang harus begini

Banyak yg saya ingin katakan..hati ini membuak2 untuk meluahkan rasa kecewa.. Ya Allah, berilah petunjuk.kepadaku..

Semakin hari semakin pudar rasa sayangku kepadanya.. mungkin dia juga begitu.. aku tidak lagi penting bagi dia.. iya lah, kalau diriku ini penting baginya..mesti dlm 24jam yang ada dalam sehari, pasti 5minit itu xperlu dia berkira untuk bertanyakan khabarku.. mungkin 5minit itu sangat berharga buatmu..sabarlah hati..

Sudahlah tidak menghubungi ku sekian lama..call pun xnak, video call pun xnak..siapa aku di hatimu yang sebenarnya?  Kadang2 bukan nak merajuk tapi hati ini tak tertahankan sakitnya.. mungkin kau perlukan yang lebih baik.. tak mengapa, aku pun tahu..

Dengan berkat bulan Ramadhan ini, biarlah ku undur diri.. Tidak mengapa, usah kau gusar.. pandailah aku menjaga diriku selepas ini kerana kau tak pernah pun peduli diriku sebelum ini. Kalau memang harus begini....

Well, Thanks a Lot!

Finally, i got the invitation to his wedding... Well thank you so much for the invitation....

Its the end of everything. Oh Allah, this is something i did not expect from you. Never i did. Give me strength, hug my heart and please, never let me cry again.

Im giving up on you...

I feel like giving in everything in this relationship....  No support from anybody so i guess i just walk off and make everybody realize that i am not important and like they need to care bout me... Ohhhh crap!

It took some courage ....

Well it took some courage from me, for me to confront my family about i wanna get married... and it doesnt go smooth as i wish.. WHY it always gotta be me to be seems as the most not important person here.


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Why oh why.....

Sangat Tak Faham

Saya tak fahamlah kenapa mesti saya ini ibarat kambing hitam dalam keluarga. Kenapa, orang tak pernah anggap saya penting dalam kehidupan mereka. Apabila membuat keputusan, apabila ingin melakukan sesuatu pastinya saya disisihkan.

Apa, tidak cukup lagi ke pengorbanan yang saya lakukan selama ini? Bukan mengungkit tapi kadang2 teringin rasa diri ini dihargai. What happened yesterday and today was really really hurt my feeling.

Just imagine when you are trying to talk about you yourself, people dont even bother to listen. Im trying hard at that time, for sure still people change the subject. The feeling is like you were hit by a trailer.

Ya Allah, tolong laaa... hug my heart ni..Wrap my heart with tenderness.... Apa lagi selepas ni? Seriously im giving up.... 

The Proposal

I got the second proposal on 9th December 2013, but I have no idea at all. Whether to say Yes or to oppose. I just let his question hanging in the air because I am not sure if I would ever wanted to

1) Give up my Job here

2) Start over in Brunei, from scratch

and take all the risk .....

I wanted to say Yes. I like him so much. I want be his, forever. I would want to venture a new life with him. 

Yes Yes Yesssss!!!

But, i have few things in mind. Can he

1) Accept me for who i am... I am penniless, not like him. My family is just moderate not like his.

TBC.......